- Dating income disparity
- Finding Meaning Through Money
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- Why too much choice is stressing us out
He brought up that I was contributing less than half toward our food budget. We never discussed our salaries but it was understood that I made considerably more than him.
Dating income disparity
We were both earning good money though and neither of had debt or high expenses. We went to nice but not extravagant places. A few weeks before the fight, I had actually thought about whether I was contributing my fair share. When Bob and I went out to eat, one person would pick up the tab. My family is Asian so splitting the bill is a bit foreign to me. But I also thought about fairness. I also cooked often and would plan and shop for the meals. I would cook somewhat expensive or elaborate meals — slow-roasted pork belly, chicken pot pie, paella, baked salmon, pork loin banh mi, katsudon donburi.
By my rough estimates, I figured I was paying for half our total meals eating in and eating out though I was spending less because cooking is cheaper than eating out. And I was resentful that he was resentful. But because I made more, I should pay for more. When I was younger and making an entry-level salary, I dated a lawyer. He paid for most of our dates and he would cook as well. The tables had turned.
I feel that this is the right outcome.
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Many of my ex-boyfriends made good money. I doubt I would have had the ambition to make more if I already had a good source of income from my hypothetical hubby to support me. Because I have a career, I have a high-paying job. With that high-paying job comes certain responsibilities like paying for more. This is the price of change. When a woman earns more, she might resent her husband for earning less.
The pay differential may change their dynamic. Her husband might be jealous at her success. These are not great things, but they are natural things. You can be a part of a team and still be jealous of your overperforming teammate or resentful of your underperforming one. He will have to get comfortable with me earning more. I think a lot of men are or would be uncomfortable with the success of their female significant other. Trophy husbands get the best of every world — they get to work less, brag about that fact, and get lauded for being supportive.
Meanwhile the bread-winning wives are warned that their husbands will likely have an affair.
Finding Meaning Through Money
Most of the women I know are dating or are married to men who make more than them, often significantly so. It seems really stupid and backwards to want to feel like a princess who is funded by her prince. I will admit that I had had a little hope in the back of my mind that that would be the case for me. Maybe I could be Meghan Markle. If this is a big problem? If it were, I could just quit my job and become a receptionist.
There are easy options to go from higher-earning to lower-earning. I realize that this is a great problem to have in some ways. I can support myself. I can be single if I want.
I agree that society has the expectations already set for us: Would it be a dealbreaker, and if so is that horrendously hypocritical of me? I think a lot of people have come forward on Twitter to state that their marriages have been fine with a breadwinning wife. This, on the nose. Dating books say women need to date less educated men. Huh, being a man, I never really thought about the issues you brought up. She made more money than me at the time of dating and first 5 years of marriage. We now make about the same.
We never fought over who makes more, who pays more. We did not live together before we married.
One of us just picked up the bill and it worked out. When we got married, we combined our finances and went from there. It was never about who makes what and how much they can spend. Granted, neither one of us are big spenders. A student it's likely that of the dating outside your bracket.
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Why too much choice is stressing us out
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